It was the morning of a sabbat and that only acted to make it all the more important to me. I was still well, unencumbered by the restraints of mental in my leg or any other illness to stop me from doing what I wanted to.
The air was warm that morning and I traveled by bike, I had been through Scotland and was still very much searching for myself. I had lost me some time ago and needed to be with me. I felt somehow drawn to come to the horse that day. Though to me it’s never seemed all that much like a horse more life a serpent as the body is so long and the head so small, but that’s just me being me. Never happy to just see what’s there, I have to look further even when there is nothing more.
As I climbed the slope upward, I felt how steep it was, when looking from the bottom it doesn’t seem that bad. I was made aware of the increasing energy the higher that I went. Like the closer I got the more it gave to me. I could almost see the power as I took each breath. I have seldom felt as alive as I did that day.
I stood upon the summit and looked down at the horse, something told me not to walk upon it as the ware and tear of footfalls would wipe it away if we where not careful with it now. I was drawn once more, this time to enter the head of the horse to feel the earth there to become part of it to be one with the earth the mother the maid the crone, the God as well to take up what they had been offering me. I took of my shoes and walked into the head. I have seldom tiptoed as an adult but found myself doing so here. Like I knew that the wrong step would be a bad thing. I wanted not to disrespect the powers at be nor the horse it self. So gently gently I made my way to the eye and stood facing North.
I could see the hills in front of me and the horizon stretched onward as if there was nothing behind it. It was almost as if I had stepped through time as I crossed the boundary of the horses head. Like there was no modern city just a stones throw away. Like my bike had ceased to exist. I felt like time might be standing still. The breeze that had helped me up the hill had stopped and from this height I should have been able to feel some breeze, but no, it was still completely and beautifully still. The air was crisp and fresh as if it had never before been taken into any lungs. The view so clear like those over cast days when there is no direct sunlight but everything is crystal clear and sharp.
I let my hair down and it seemed to gently float down rather then fall as was the norm. I could feel the energy welcoming me and asking me, nah, offering me to be part of it. I brought my book (at the time I had no idea what it was for, I have found out since. But the person for whom the messages are so clearly written wants no part of it now, sadly) I don’t know how long I stood there but when I came to for want of a better term, yet more text had filled many pages of my book. I became aware of a surging energy beneath me rolling over and over toward me like a great wave gaining power with each roll. It came from the North and was moving slowly yet I knew that I was the destination.
At this feeling of it coming I turned to each compass point and called the corners North, East, West, South and once more North. I invoked the old ways and the old ones to come to me to guide me through this power. I was part of this exultant tide of energy I could feel it in my blood. I wanted more and called the watch towers of the elements, the lords and ladies of Earth, Air, Fire and Water. I seemed to be crossing some threshold from our world to another, like the mists of Avalon had opened to me allowing me to pass.
I sunk to my knees is such joy, my heart was full to bursting. I had come home I was right in coming here. I had it confirmed what I had believed when I first came to England that here was where I was meant to be. I lay down upon the ground and let it wash over me and through me. Sensations I will (I fear) never feel again. I wanted nothing more then to weep and laugh, cry and cheer all at the same time.
I lay there watching the sky and feeling part of it too, my hands somehow worked their way into the earth without disturbing a single blade of grass. I could feel the earth moving the tides wash in and out. The land sighing under the strain we the people where putting upon her. I had an Arthur Dent moment, I knew what it was like to be a tree, a star and grain of sand and to be reaching out for the other like me.
My book had told of my other half, of the fact I hadn’t misplaced him, nor he I. That we where both here at the same time for the first time in eons. I just needed to seek him out and claim him as he was doing for me. I reached and searched for the longest time. I could feel him, forever just out of my reach. Stepping left when I was to his right. Each time he came close to finding me he would get distracted by a simple thing and go the wrong way. But my heart was eased knowing he was in fact out there and that somehow someway he would find me. I knew this like I knew the sun rose in the east, that grass grew and the stream flowed ever onward to the sea. I knew he was out there looking for me.
I rolled over and placed my hands upon the eye of the horse and I felt it give to me one last gift. Strength, to go on, to move forward, to be at peace with myself and look not outward for that peace. I thanked the elements and the corners, the lords and ladies each in turn and I emerged from the horse’s head. I knew that I had just been allowed to experience the full splendor of the powers that lay or should I say LEY within the horse’s realm.
Inner sight, what I wanted or needed to see and feel? Perhaps. But what ever it was it was real. Real as the feelings I feel and have done each day from that point on. I know myself better for it. I trust myself more and have stopped believing in my heart as if hearts don’t lie. As I made my way back down the hill side I almost heard the ancients whispering for me to hurry back and see them again. To keep in touch. To not turn my back from them.
When I parked my bike and entered my home that night I noticed that my leg had not bothered me the entire day and a walk like that would normally put me in mounts of pain(keep in mind this is before I found out what damage I had done to it) I sat in the living room and didn’t turn on the lights I curled myself up into a ball and slept a loving peaceful sleep as I drifted off I asked the universe for a sign that I was right about the things that where happening in my life, the path I was on and about my one. I was awoken by a call from him.